Reprinted with the permission of the author, Chris Kukka and Maine Families with Children from Asia
Several years ago, when I was just starting the China adoption process, a friend asked “Can you be sure the child will be healthy?”

“Oh yes”, I assured her. “They say all the children put up for adoption are healthy, and you get a medical report”. For all we had gone through to try to create a baby, surely fate could play no more tricks on me. I would have this reassuring medical report that would give me a small sense of control over an adoption process that left me feeling wildly out of control.

Despite her clean bill of health in China, my daughter has hepatitis B.

Today, I am profoundly thankful that three years ago the medical evaluation failed to pick up those minuscule viral agents in her body. If offered a child with hepatitis B, I might never have adopted her, never have known her, never have loved her. My loss would have been unspeakable. I think about this sometimes when a prospective parent asks me in great detail about the chance that his or her future child from China might have hepatitis. I think about it when I hear someone has turned down a referral from China because the child lacked a finger, or had a cleft palate.

Now don’t get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with wanting a healthy child. But set aside some quiet time to think carefully about what your hopes and expectations are. Clearly, you must have plenty of financial, emotional, and physical resources to raise a child with a severe disability. Some of us have it and some don’t.

But now venture into a gray area. Consider a child with a missing finger or eye, or one who experienced malnutrition or lack of stimulation that may cause long-term development delays or lower IQ scores. Think of a child who has hepatitis, which can remain asymptomatic for years and against which Asians seem to be quite resilient.

What is acceptable and what isn’t, and why?

As a prospective parent, I folded up like a cheap lawn chair under this scrutiny simply because I didn’t want to experience the pain of watching my child endure ridicule, special challenges, and problems. As a parent-in-waiting, I wanted a near-perfect-as-I-could-manage-it parenthood experience, and my future parenthood world required a perfect child, at least at the starting gate.

A Bird’s Eye View
Reprinted from the Families With Children From China Newsletter 1997.
by Val Free (Director, Heartsent Adoptions, Inc. and adoptive mom)

We call our daughter “Bird”. This has been her nickname for a long time, very soon after she joined our family in 1992, after spending almost five years in a Chinese orphanage. The name conjures many things that fit for Li: the bird who is hypervigilant, ever-aware of potential harm and quick to take flight in times of apparent danger, the bird who can soar and sing when life is happy, and the bird who has the “eye”, or perspective that sometimes others don’t have. In her case, Li’s broader perspective includes an early life in the orphanage, where children were crowded together amidst deafeningly loud voices that echoed in the huge rooms, where it was cold, where there were quick and startling reprimands followed by a swat with a bamboo pole, and where there were small bowls of watery soup that left her continually hungry. She survived.

In the Spring/Summer FCC Newsletter, my husband, Dick, wrote about Li in an article he entitled “The Gift of Love”. He wrote about his love for her, and about our family’s journey together in those first few years of her joining us. Here I will offer a “bird’s eye view”, or the rest of the story. Li has her own perspective of how those early experiences shaped her, how she came to join us, and how she has managed to turn into a beautiful swan in this, her ninth year. Hopefully someday she can write about her perspective, offering all of us a firsthand glimpse into the orphanage experience in China. As her adoptive mother, I have been at her side as she has struggled to make sense of life and learn a whole new set of values. I have also come to learn about attachment, bonding, and ways to make progress even when hope is sometimes nowhere in sight.

Research about attachment and early development show that most of the major psychological damage that occurs from early disruptions of bonding get worked out through the mother or mother- figure. As Li’s adoptive mom, I have seen great differences in how she feels and acts towards me than how she feels and acts towards her father. She needed him to be safe and protective. She LET him provide that base for her. With me, at first, Li did not so easily allow the love that I had to offer. She seemed to have the need to more directly process her grief, anger and sadness with me. Our relationship has been more stormy over the four years she has been here, and more intense in the positive ways as well.

Although I knew about attachment issues in general, and did my best to do the obvious attachment and closeness-building that we all do in our families (methods which worked with our other children), I did not so readily see that Li was suffering from a mild to moderate form of AD until this past year. Her symptoms were mild and they only sporadically appeared. She did display many of the classic symptoms, though, once I figured out that we were dealing with AD and began looking harder for signs of it. (See the enclosed list for symptoms of AD). Once I finally realized what was going on, I was able to focus on how to help her and together we have made tremendous progress in the past twelve months. I have learned much about how attachment works, how early life experiences need to be worked through, and how to best be there for Li when the more obvious ways to encourage trust and love don’t work.

One of the best techniques I have found to help Li is basically a holding technique. We all know that our children need to be held and nurtured, read to and cuddled. What I learned about in my study of attachment disorder was a more focused way of holding, one where the holder maintains eye contact using a specific kind of touch as discussed in Martha Welch’s book called Holding Time.

Li and I began using the basic methods of holding, following the Holding Time model, in early Spring of 1996. I noticed immediate changes. Instead of our marathon talking sessions, where Li would seemingly go through every emotion she had about whatever subject we were discussing until she could soften and “let me in”, we were able to connect in deep and loving ways within the first 10-15 minutes of the holding. She responded quickly to the holding time, allowing her feelings to flow more freely and completely between us. She was learning to yield, to trust, to allow herself to be nurtured. We made special time for holding, softening the lights and making certain that we were not interrupted. We would try different times of day, different positions, talking vs. not talking, and we had fun with it. I have improvised over the months, adding things that work in particular for Li depending upon what is going on at that time in our lives. Sometimes it has been helpful to just hold her with no words, no noise. Other times she has responded to basic affirming messages like “I’m so glad you were born”, or “I will always love you”. When these words are said at the time her heart is most open, she allows them in and fills up with love. I can see the transformation. For a girl who was always hungry, for love as well as food, she is now filling up and acting from this place of abundance at last.

What I have learned is that this and other methods of holding have allowed Li to work through many of her earliest life experiences, and probably we will continue this work together for a long time to come. Once I figured out how to best respond to her needs, through focused touch and holding, we could join together to do this work. Memories have surfaced, feelings long buried have come out into the light . Li has changed dramatically this past year. She is more spontaneous and trusting, she is doing better in school, she is making real friends for the first time since she came to us- friendships where there can be tears and laughter, where she can stay and experience the richness of life with others and not be too afraid to share her fears and thoughts with them. This is real progress for her.

I see today a more balanced and centered person in Li, not the scared and untrusting little girl who felt empty inside for so many years. Learning to be held and then to open up has allowed Li to experience real trust for the first time. It’s like she finally tested me (us) and I (we) came through enough that she can trust enough to relax deep inside at last. Such a basic thing, taking a breath from down deep inside. Finally, Li is able to do more than just survive, she is able to live.

Val Free, MFCC, is the Executive Director/ Co-Founder of Heartsent Adoptions, Inc., 15 Altarinda Road, Suite 100, Orinda, Ca. 94563 (925) 254-8883. She and her husband started the Parents’ Warmline to address issues of older child adoptions. Feel free to call Val or Dick at Heartsent or fax to (925) 254-8866.

Symptoms of Attachment Disorder

Attachment Disorder is a condition in which individuals have difficulty forming loving, lasting, intimate relationships. Attachment disorders vary in severity, and the symptoms as presented below also vary in degree and times of occurrence. The term “attachment disorder” has historically been reserved for individuals who show a nearly complete lack of ability to be genuinely affectionate with others. They often fail to develop a conscience and do not learn how to trust.

Children with attachment disorder will have some or many of the following symptoms:

Superficially engaging and charming
lack of eye contact
indiscriminately affectionate with strangers
lacking ability to give and receive affection (not cuddly)
extreme control problems (“sneaky”)
destructive to self and others
cruelty to animals
chronic, crazy lying
little or no impulse controls
learning lags and disorders
lacking cause and effect thinking
abnormal eating patterns
poor peer relationships
incessant chatter
inappropriately demanding and clingy
abnormal speech patterns
feeding problems, such as rumination, regurgitation, vomiting
sleep disturbances
sensitivity to touch and sound

Adjust the degree of symptoms according to the degree of attachment disorder for a specific child, and experiment with a variety of methods to enhance attachment for your child if symptoms are present. This is not “incurable”! If you know what you are dealing with, there is a clear way to assist your family. You can get to a more trusting place with your child.

Recently I took my two daughters, both born in China, back to the place(s) where they had lived before my husband and I adopted them. Li was almost five years old at the time of her adoption in 1992, and came from Guangdong Province just outside of Guangzhou. Tian was 2 years old and came from Jiangxi Province. Both of them came from conditions that were far less than ideal, less even than the conditions we now see in Chinese orphanages. For the most part, conditions are improving in the orphanages where adoptions to foreigners are allowed. Of course, there are still many orphanages throughout China that do not allow adoptions, where the babies are not cared for well, and where medical and emotional issues remain untreated. There are still so many babies and young children who are not adopted and brought into a new life with a family to love them. My daughters are among the lucky ones who survived the system and then found their family at last, for which we give thanks each day.

Returning to China was a difficult decision for my oldest daughter, Li, now 10 1/2 years old. She has been watching her young sister Tian, age 6, travel with me back and forth to China for about 2 years now. Since we founded an international adoption agency, our family talks about adoption a lot, and I often travel with the adopting families to China to assist with the adoption process. Two or three times each year since Tian was 4 we have traveled together on these trips, and she loves it. We travel well together, enjoying the adventure, loving the babies, and reconnecting with the man who assisted in my family’s adoption of Tian. China now feels like very familiar territory to both of us. Still, Tian had not been back to see her own orphanage, or her foster mother and the others who took care of her before she was adopted. For Li, she had more memories of China and many of them were not good. Since she had been there for so long she had more to miss, too, when she was adopted. Preferring more routine in her life than her little sister, Li likes staying at home and having “her things” around her. Traveling anywhere is a little more difficult for Li- up until recently traveling to China was out of the question.

Both girls were offered the choice to go to China with me on this recent trip, where I accompanied families who were adopting their babies from Jiangxi Province where Tian was born. Since I knew the families would start their adoption journey there, and then finish up in Guangzhou close to where Li had come from, I decided it might be time to offer to take them both back in time, to revisit their pasts. For Li, it would be an opportunity to heal some old hurts, and for Tian perhaps a time to hug her foster mom whom she loved dearly for the first two years of her life. They both decided to go.

About two weeks before we were to leave, I noticed different behavior around the house. Tian was getting excited, as she often does before a trip. She began to talk about the food in China, the hotels we would be staying in, the babies and the families. Anticipation! However for Li, there was nervousness, getting into trouble at school, and some old behaviors that were present when she first came to us- sneaking, a few lies, hypervigilance to things around her. After about a week or so of this, my husband Dick and I finally pulled her aside and had a talk with her about whether or not she really wanted to go to China. She was able to express her intense nervousness at that time, and said that she had changed her mind about going. We told her that she did not ever have to go back to China if she didn’t want to, or that if she went this time she did not have to go back to her orphanage. No strings attached. Our love was there for her no matter what she decided to ever do about her roots in China. Following a hunch, the last thing I did before ending the talk that night was tell her exactly what we would be doing in China each day, if she did decide to go. I told her about arriving in Hong Kong, staying in the hotel there, waking up the next morning and then going on to Guangzhou and the orphanage city. I told her that she and her sister and I would be sharing a room and that we would have the same room each night for several nights in each city, where we could have our “home base” and where we could play games and watch TV. I let her know that even though we were traveling and that this was her first time back to China, we could have some routine and some comforts along the way. Then of course there are the babies! Li is not normally interested in babies, she prefers young toddlers that she can really play and interact with (like her sister). Still, she was curious about the babies, and interested in the adoption part of the trip after hearing a little more about it. After hearing the description of the trip and a little more about the new babies, she changed her mind again and decided to go. Clearly, her ambivalence was showing up in all kinds of ways, but she was able to feel much better after she so clearly chose to go that second time.

Soon, we were done with preparations and travel meetings, and we and the rest of the group were ready to get on the airplane. The four movies en route helped to pass the time and were important distracters for both girls. When we arrived in China it was late and we were tired but I could feel the energy building for both girls! We had a great first night and were rested and eager to start out the next day. We had breakfast with the group and then boarded the airplane that would eventually take us to the city where the babies were, Nanchang. The group was in high gear, we worked and laughed well together, and excitement mounted as we arrived in Nanchang and then waited for the time when the babies would be brought to us at the hotel there.

There is nothing that compares to the anxious excitement and wonder as adopting parents wait for their new baby to arrive. We all feel it for each of the families, and as the children were brought to the hotel everyone in the group was present to witness the miracle as the new families were brought together! My girls enjoyed this part tremendously. I saw so much in their eyes as they witnessed the families coming together- the magic of the moment, the wonder as the babies were first touched and held, the questions about where the babies came from and where they are going now in their lives. Its a lot to take in for such young children, especially children who had been on the other side of this process at one time!

After we were in Nanchang for a few days and the adoption work for the families was done, we went with our Coordinator to visit Tian’s foster mom and the orphanage where she lived for the first two years of her life. She was very excited to see it all. A last minute problem almost stopped the trip and Tian cried so much the Coordinator doubled his efforts and managed to correct the problem and arrange the trip out to the orphanage once again. After about an hour’s drive, we arrived at the orphanage. It looked the same to me, surprisingly. I expected that in the intensity of that original visit when I went to meet my new daughter I would have missed a lot about the physical surroundings, but I was glad to find a familiarity in my mind about the place, the workers there, and of course Tian’s foster mother. We spent a wonderful afternoon there with hugs all around, and had a banquet given in our honor. This was the first time an adopted daughter from America had come back to see the orphanage, one that does a lot of adoptions in China. They were very excited to see Tian and her family, and to know that the adopted children are doing so well. We visited, talked about our original visit there and after promises to write back and forth we made the trip back to the hotel. What a successful reunion it was! Tian was beaming all day.

After our work was done in Nanchang we all flew to Guangzhou to finish the adoption work there. Things went smoothly and when the time was right we arranged for a visit to Li’s orphanage, about a half hour drive from Guangzhou. Li was much more nervous in the car on the way to the orphanage than Tian had been, but she wanted to go and was also excited. We had prepared for the trip- Li had written a letter to the orphanage director, had several carefully chosen gifts to give her, and had brought photographs of our home and family life in America. We had also discussed questions that Li had for the orphanage Director and the workers there, questions she had about how she once lived, where she eaten and played, and where she had once learned to sing and dance. When we arrived the Director was there to greet us, and so were several of the workers who had known Li. They were all smiles. Li could hardly wait to give the gifts and there was much excitement as hugs were exchanged and gifts were given, and our Coordinator helped with translations. All of the staff commented on how tall and beautiful Li had become. One thing she had worried about was how the women would greet her- Li takes her time to warm up to people and does not appreciate the loud, “in your face” style of the workers from Tian’s orphanage. I had reassured her that in her orphanage home this would not be the case- the people there were more reserved. Thank goodness this turned out to be true! In fact, Li was the most outgoing of all. She was very present to the situation as we were given a tour, and shown exactly where she once had lived and interacted with the other children and staff at the orphanage. We were graciously offered the chance to see the original rooms where Li had lived, dispelling a lot of Li’s memories of dark corners and long, empty hallways. The rooms were bright and the echoes of laughing children were loud as we walked all over the grounds and into the various buildings that day. I have never seen Li able to be as present as she was that day. She did not wilt, she did not go inside herself, instead she took in everything and asked her questions with confidence. The visit for her was extremely important. Afterwards, on the way out of the orphanage back in the taxi, we agreed that we would never again think of her orphanage as dark and lonely. To her that day, it became a place full of light and laughter. These thoughts filled her heart that day. She had been given a real gift- part of her past had come back to her bathed in light and love instead of blackness and fear. She was obviously full and more complete for days afterward.

Since our return home, we have continued to talk about the events on this trip for both Tian and Li. I know that Li, in particular, is still processing what happened at the orphanage that day. More layers are coming out as she is able to verbalize about things. Some surprises: there is anger at herself for remembering the orphanage as a terrible place, there is wondering about what it would have been like to stay there instead of being adopted. Some nice results of her trip there include a new and better impression of her birth country in general, new feelings of care for her orphanage Director and the other workers there, and a firsthand look at families coming together through adoption. She now has a new interest in babies! She has discovered how playful they can be and loves to babysit. She can also share with her sister the experiences of being in their birth country together- a new and very special bond between them.

I will undoubtedly experience more of Li’s layers as feelings about her adventures in China continue to be worked through and then expressed. In all I think it was a wonderful and exciting time for both Li and Tian, and a trip that they will each remember forever. What a gift to be able to go back in time, to revisit such an important time in their lives, and to discover how loved and cared for they were.

I hope that every adopting parent will consider making this trip with their child(ren) someday. It is not without its ups and downs, and as I say I think more will bubble to the surface in the months ahead, but I believe that it was definitely a positive thing for my daughters to have made this trip. For us, shedding light on the darkness of the past can do nothing but enhance their lives and complete a circle for all of us.
_________________________________________

Val Free, MFCC, is the Executive Director / Co-Founder of Heartsent Adoptions, Inc., 15 Altarinda Road, Suite 100, Orinda, California 94563 ph (925) 254-8883. She and her husband Dick started the Parents’ Warmline to address issues of older child adoptions. Feel free to call Val or Dick at Heartsent

The long plane trip, although by now quite familiar to me, is somehow new each time. I realized as we were taking off that the last time I flew to Vietnam, the trip had been so difficult- on that trip I went with my daughter Tian, then 5, and my friend and Board member, Joy. Together we traveled to Vietnam on a mission to start our own adoption program there. What we found was a wild mix of people, sights and sounds, and a fast paced schedule that did not allow time for us to process what we were seeing and feeling. Combine all of this with a dizzying confusion of agreements and business inconsistencies, promises and money lost, extreme poverty conditions and desperate newborn babies, and at our trip's end we were all exhausted, deepened, and transformed. That trip used everything we had. Each of us felt profoundly touched by the country and the people, and especially convinced of our role there- to help the babies who needed families to love them. What actually came of that trip was a deep connection we made with one amazing place in Vietnam, the Village of Hope. Going back there was the purpose of this trip back to Vietnam- to renew our friendships there, to continue our support of this haven amidst the streets and street life of central Vietnam, started some four year earlier, and to once again be with my beloved foster son, Duc.

So, here on the plane that would once again carry me and my traveling companions back to Vietnam, my thoughts went back to that first trip, and I must confess some angst about facing the scene again.

I have been all over the world by now, and have seen many orphanages, social welfare institutes and baby nurseries. Each has its own mix of hope and despair. Conditions vary widely among and even within countries, for the babies and the people who work there. Sometimes the space is small, the air is thick and the odors strong. There can be many workers to take care of the children, or very few. At times the workers look bored and vacant. Other times there are better conditions and workers who seem to be more caring about the little ones in their charge. I try to approach each new place with fresh eyes and an open spirit. I always think of the adopting families- what they will think and feel when they first see their child and the living conditions surrounding them, and how they must etch this scene in their minds forever, for the telling and retelling. I think of the world the babies live in, and deepen to allow the sights and sounds in more fully. I am often so very moved by the children who are left behind in these places...these are the faces I remember later, these are the children that keep me doing the hard work that we must all do at Heartsent to help the adopting families. I believe that there are children who must be left behind, children who should be left behind to grow up and give back to their community, their country and their people. It is important to remember these children and provide for them, too. If it is not possible to provide them with a loving family, we must do what we can to provide them with medicine, a betterment of their living conditions and a brighter future. We cannot presume to think that every child should leave their country, even if they do not grow up with the love of a parent or parents. It is undeniably the life path of some children to live and grow up in these institutions, and it is not our right to pity them, but it is our duty and obligation to help where we can so that when they do go out on their own they can have a better life.

Four years after my first visit to Hanoi, I am struck by the sameness of it now. Vietnam is a beautiful country, it is striking in its simplicity and ordinary way of life. People go about their daily lives and do not seem to mind the intrusion of foreigners as we take it all in. We simply join forces with the green rice paddies, the water buffalo and the busy-ness of daily life. On this trip, I was accompanied by my 15 year old son, Tanawan, as well as the Program Director of Heartsent, Erin Homertgen, and by one of Heartsent's social workers, Lori Severance. Collectively, we represented a spirit of hope and faith, and set out to find the heart of Vietnam in the 180 children of the Village of Hope. Before we would arrive at the Village, we would be able to visit one of the Hanoi area orphanages that most of our adopting parents receive their children from, and see some of Hanoi. The short trip to central Vietnam would follow, and our visit with the Village of Hope and my foster son.

How can I describe the Hanoi orphanage to someone who has not yet seen it? It is simple, walls of buttery ochre, circular baby rooms with open doorways surrounding a central room where workers and older children sit to eat and play. The air is thick with conflicting strong odors- incense, humidity, mold and urine. The rooms are clean and the space feels open and calm. The babies are bundled in brightly colored blankets, the workers smile easily. This is a good place. There is caring here, it is clear, and a willingness somehow. The babies are put together in cribs that hold up to four at a time, mats on the bottom and plain cement floors throughout the orphanage. Older children were also there, asking to be picked up which we eagerly did. Little arms around our necks, sweet laughter in our ears, it was a universal reaching out to each other that bridged the language and cultural gaps between us. Our visit there was short, but moving as always. We all needed to talk about our experience there once we returned to Hanoi city, and this processing was helpful for each of us as we struggled to make sense of the sights we witnessed, the babies we held, the work that we do to help them. After some time, we set out to explore the sights of Hanoi via cyclo.

Front the vantage point of a cyclo, one gets a firsthand and close-up view of Hanoi's traffic, beeping horns and the fast pace of all vehicles, motorized and not. In a cyclo you are first in line for near misses and oncoming traffic-not for the faint of heart. This is the way to see the old streets of Hanoi, the way of life in the streets, the morning and afternoon rituals and meals. Afterwards, it was fun to walk around and slow the pace a little. Feeling the streets under our feet we had a different way of feeling the life of this city and its people. We had a great experience with our cyclo drivers, and got to know some of their life history by the time we left Hanoi.

On the short flight between Hanoi and central Vietnam, we thought about the Village of Hope and our mission there. We had a lot of donations to give, mostly toys and other supplies for the children, but we were also told to expect a tour of the Village, dinner with the children and staff, and a musical performance given by the children in our honor. Since we have been donating to the Village for several years, and exchanging letters and photos with the children there, we felt already at home with the community. Still, we did not expect the huge reception we received at the airport! Flowers, children, my foster son, the Director and Translator, and such big smiles I have never seen! All of us were awestruck by the overwhelming welcome. This feeling continued when we arrived at the Village of Hope and for me, I once again saw the children and colorful life there. For my son and Erin and Lori, it was especially surprising to see the brightly colored buildings, the structured and orderly routines of the children, and the smiles of the children who we sponsor there. These children eagerly reached for our hands, and immediately accepted us into their fold. We were, in this way, urged to dance with them as they celebrated receiving the many toys and games we were able to bring. All 180 of the children and staff, and all of us in our contingent, danced and sang, played games and laughed, and generally enjoyed being with each other until it was time to eat dinner. Dinner was a bounty of rice and chicken, vegetables and noodles- truly wonderful! It was touching to be with everyone, we sat at the table of our foster son. Duc, being the oldest of his table, is the head of his "family" of children. He takes care of them, is in charge of keeping the order and helping with the food, and helps with clearing and cleaning.

The biggest surprise to me was my response to Duc. For four years I have been writing to him, through our mutual translators. I have heard him deepen in his thoughts and ability to express himself, and I have felt an increase in his trust for me as he put his thoughts to paper over the years. At times I would wonder if this was the same young boy I met four years ago, shy and so gentle. But seeing him again made me know that the words that came to me over the miles were truly his, and the thoughts were those of a young man who had become worried about his future and his true family, still living in Saigon. Since Duc stayed with us at our hotel while we were there, we came to know him over the two days we were together. We all started out being a little tentative with each other, his English is coming along but it is not yet easy to make conversation. We had to rely on other ways to communicate. As the time went on, we became more familiar with each other and began to play. He is very playful, and this seemed like a good way to get to know each other. First he went off with my son, Tanawan, and the two of them did what most teenaged boys do- found what sports there were to play. We were staying on China Beach- it was spectacular-and there were many things to do right away given our setting. Soon we were all playing frisbee, then badminton, and throughout our hours of play we began to laugh and tease each other. I cannot say how or when I came to know how much I love this boy, but it was very apparent as I was having to get ready to leave him. How can someone love so much a person who they only met once, four years earlier and then communicated with through the mail? I cannot explain how this happens, I can only say that it is true. I have always offered to help Duc in any way that I can, if coming to America for studying, or just helping financially if he wants to stay in Vietnam....he is my son as surely as Tanawan is. Seeing the two of the them with each other so easily, laughing and teasing, arms around each other- there is no other way to be so filled up as this. It was very difficult to leave. The hardest thing I have done in a long time. We were both struck by the depth of feeling, surprised by it, overwhelmed. I knew I would have to come back soon, and made him a promise that I would.

Once we were back in Hanoi, Tanawan, Erin, Lori and I had time to talk about the experiences we had all shared. Each of us had been filled with the love of the Village of Hope, touched by the haven it is from the poverty surrounding it, and so struck by the opportunities for the children who live there. Their musical performance showed us how they are taught to love their culture, and appreciate its richness. We saw how they are taught to care for each other, and provide encouragement for further study and progress. These children grow up to be young men and women who know and appreciate all that their country has to offer, and are in a position to give back fully to their communities once they leave.

Leaving Hanoi, we landed once again in Hong Kong before making the long journey home. With its bright lights and fast pace, its richness and distance from the earthy everyday life of Vietnam, Hong Kong was shocking to us. We felt sad to leave Vietnam, and saddened more by what we knew was a transition place (Hong Kong) between it and the even faster pace of America. Of course these trips always make me think of how we live, what is important, how we can get back to basics and do the important work for humankind that we need to do, but they also bring with them some sadness for what is lost in our own culture. America has a lot to offer, but a lot to remember, too. It is always our hope after one of these trips that we keep in our hearts and minds the vision of those orphanage babies, the children and young men and women at Village of Hope, and the close-to-the-earth life of a simpler culture. We need to remember to do what we can where we can, and to do the adoption work as well as the support of places like the Village of Hope where the children are meant to stay and give back. This trip accomplished all of this and more- because whenever we are touched so profoundly, and surprised so much at how deeply we can love each other, we are offered the inspiration to do more. This is the thought we leave you with from the richness of our Vietnam experience: Do more! Do all that you can and more, to help and encourage, to love and extend, to deepen and be moved, to be big in the world and do more with your bigness. Go to extremes, reach new heights, and find someone or someplace to give your life to beyond what you think you do. We will all be the better for it.

Written by Val Free